The Dark Tower

An adaptation of the book series written by Stephen King, The Dark Tower promised to be pretty epic…..

But that’s all it did – it promised. It didn’t deliver.

Long story short, The Gunslinger – aka Roland (Idris Elba), had to stop the Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey) from toppling The Dark Tower – a tower which is the key to holding the universe together – so, you know…fairly important!

Young Jake Chambers keeps having nightmares about these bad people trying to topple the tower, but no-one believes him that all of this is real, and not just a dream.

I’m going to put in some spoilers now, because, to be honest, the film isn’t worth seeing, so by reading my spoilers, I’m saving you £13 on a cinema ticket.


  • Baddies came to Jake’s house to take him to a ‘special school’ – but Jake knew they were bad, so escaped through the bathroom window, and found a house from his dreams.
  • In this house, there was a portal to other worlds, where Jake managed to get away from Keystone Earth (just ‘earth’, to us mortals), and find Roland. Together, they set out to stop the Man in Black from his evil plot.
  • Jake and Roland’s relationship was pretty cute, and there is a very funny scene in a hospital – this is the only part of the whole film that I properly remember.
  • Long story short, Jake has these powers, which are so strong, that he and Roland mange to defeat the Man in Black, and ultimately save the world.

I love Idris Elba, truly, I do. He was amazing in Luther, and most other things he’s been in…. but he needs to stick to films where he can have a British accent, because his American accent in this film was not good.

Embed from Getty Images

Overall, don’t go to the cinema to see this – wait and see it when it’s on TV (if there’s nothing else on!).

Score – 2/5

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